I have spent too many days this week writing draft after draft of excuses, vehemently denying that I am a “Jersey Girl.” Today, focused in reality, feeling excessively cold in mid-June, missing the sun and the beach, the smell of suntan lotion, the innately comforting feeling of summer expected this time of year especially after a horrific winter, I realize my expectations, at least seasonally, revolve around being born and bred in New Jersey. To think I am not a “Jersey Girl” is absurd. It’s something you inhale at birth along with the smell of ocean air in Wildwood Crest and the chemical smell of the New Jersey Turnpike near Newark Liberty International Airport. I am a “Jersey Girl,” just not a typical “Jersey Girl.”

I am not quite sure what makes a girl “Jersey”, but here I am admitting I possess this magical charm. Each of us is a unique creature, yet, admittedly, “Jersey Girls” possess some of the same characteristics state wide and I have written the top three list!

First, we are loud. Sometimes, when I travel, I am told I have a distinct “Jersey” accent. Funny, since I’ve never heard it, but I know a Long Island girl when I meet her. I also love Southerners, from the South, not South Jersey (a totally different blog post!) and adore their slang, “y’all,” but say it in New Jersey and you will sound like an idiot. However, subtlety is not an art practiced very much in the Garden State. We are mostly a densely populated state and girls need to be heard even if it’s screaming out of the window of our car at some asshole, usually from New York or PA, who cut us off. Truthfully, if it wasn’t for the occasional nasty tone of our voices, the evil eye and resting bitch face, we are charming, but loud. “Jersey Girls” don’t whisper and thank God we don’t have to since texting was invented!

Second, we do have a certain fascination with our hair. I admit to spending hours at the salon with a master colorist to achieve the perfect shade of blonde. My particular shade of blonde is referred to as, “Christina” as it should be. But, let’s face it, big hair is out of style and if anyone is still trying to pull this look off, realize even Jon Bon Jovi cut his fried, frizzy and badly-highlighted crown. The only big 60’s hair acceptable is on top of Adele’s head. Period.

Third, nails are a telltale sign of a “Jersey Girl.” Manicures and pedicures are not an option, but a sign of good hygiene. Wander the streets or malls or boardwalks of New Jersey, especially in the summer, without a pedicure and you will be considered trashy. Yet, take it to another level of nail art and air-brushing and you’re dated or trying to be something you’re not. Short and clean is acceptable. Again, not all of us are trying to be “Stacy’s Mom” or want to be! You don’t have to look your age, just don’t look ridiculous.

Yet, all these superficial traits are not why I named my first Twitter account and this blog, “ChristinaRealNJ.” HERE IS WHERE THE LOUD PART COMES IN SO WE’RE CLEAR:

1. I AM A WORKING HOUSEWIFE, BUT NOT A FAKE, REAL HOUSEWIFE OF NEW JERSEY.
2. I HAVE AN EXTENSIVE EDUCATION INCLUSIVE OF A MASTER’S DEGREE IN THEOLOGY.
3. NEITHER I NOR MY FAMILY IS MOB AFFILIATED. I PROUDLY ADMIT I AM 100% SICILIAN.
4. I PAY MY TAXES.
5. I HAVE NEVER BEEN OR PLAN TO BE INCARECERATED.
6. MY FATHER WAS A SICILIAN IMMIGRANT WHO PROUDLY BECAME A US CITIZEN. MY MOTHER IS AN AMERICAN OF SICILIAN DESCENT WHO WAS BORN HERE AND THE REASON I KNOW WHAT A “JERSEY GIRL” IS AND WHY I CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS INSANITY CALLED MY LIFE!

The “real” part of me is that I do live in a beautiful suburban town located in the midst of all the reality television drama. I have a lovely home I am still perfecting after its purchase two years ago, I definitely have a fetish for designer handbags and I drive an over-priced European car. None of these tidbits about myself make me a novelist or even a writer!

What makes me a writer is that I am writing for the first time in a very long time. As fabulous as I think this blog will be, I started it hoping to find like-minded women (and men) who can appreciate my snarky attitude and give my ideas a chance. Here’s to hoping you will find my lifestyle, my “jersey attitude” and my writing as fascinating and fun as I do.

My next post will be a piece of my WIP (work in progress) where I will introduce you to a very complex woman. Did I mention she’s a “Jersey Girl?”